As I loathe indulging in self-descriptive profiling or endeavors of the autobiographical, I have asked my agent and confidante, Lars van der Cleven, to offer his thoughts on my persona and raison d’etre. Lars is a Belgian dwarf who dabbles in law, Latvian art, absinthe making and small boys.
He offers:
C. Adolph Moores is a cantankerous prick.
He has consummate taste in the cinema and finds the merits of any film not made in black & white, German or Swedish highly suspect.
He despises labels but is not wholly uncomfortable with nametags.
He begins most of his utterances with “Through no fault of my own” and refuses to be held accountable for his actions.
He sleeps the sleep of angels but will not, dares not, dream.
As a seven time winner of the lottery in Lima, Peru, he has donated all the money to known drug addicts and whores on the condition they burn every church to the ground.
He has a slight drinking problem but, then again, don’t we all.
He loves NFL football (despite being a Jets fan) and has been known to place an ill-informed wager or two.
He has killed a man but, honestly (and by Gambian law) they did have it coming.
He detests the laughter of children and is proud to own the skull of Charlton Heston, though he refuses to make a bong out of it.
His work has appeared in The Florida Flambeau, Break Magazine, Florida Travel + Life, Florida Trend/Business Florida magazine and online at Foxclassics.com and Businessflorida.com.
He won the short screenplay contest at the 2001 Sidewalk Film Festival in Birmingham, Alabama yet no one seems to care... nor should they.
He lives with a wonderful woman and two adoring cats. One pees a lot to mark her territory but the cats don’t seem to mind much.
-Lars van der Cleven
Brussels, Belgium
October 2008