« Search Queries Which Led People To My Blog (Part 9) | Main | Search Queries Which Led People To My Blog (Part 8) »
Wednesday
Sep082010

Actual Names of Porn Stars

The muse has been far from me of late, My Dear Readers. Hence, the lack of substantive posts. I offer, instead, the ramblings of the prurient and onanistic. Two endeavors I have always been behind.

Hats off to These Guys for the meat. I have no idea whether any of this information is true, but it sounds good and we're running with it. We'll be going alphabetically as this is a comedic goldmine for future posts when Daddy is tired and wants his Hemingway exit. The porno name is in bold. Their real name is in italics. My comments are parenthetically offered on why the name change is odd, brilliant or other.

Alana Evans - Dawn Marie Thompson - (Is either name sexier than the other? Was it a parent knowledge thing?)
Alexandra Nice - Aleksandra Groth - (Keep the Goth, the black nails, the anger, you got a niche. "Nice"? Who cares?)
Alexis Amore - Alexis Lamore - (Probably not French anyway.)
Alexis Malone - Bobbi Jo Germaine - (Play that southern belle, Girl! Alexis is a bit butch.)
Alicia Rhodes - Angela Bolton - (Daddy doesn't work for American Imperialism to be repaid like this from his ungrateful daughter.)
Alicia Rio - Carmen Marie Hughlett - (I'm just not getting a "Brazilian Thing" fom "Hughlett". Despite you having to shave with a machete. Or that you need to shave again after an hour and a half.)
Allysin Chaynes - Andrea Kovacs - (Ernie's grandaughter just needed a break. You should be ashamed of yourselves.)
Amber Michaels - Wanda Creech - (A "creech" should be a sexually explicit act on its own. And daggumit, Girl, why are you disgracing the good Creech name with your fornication on the moving pictures.)
Angel Dark - Viktoria Knezova - (I never imagined "Angel Dark" as a Slovak. African-American, yes. Never Eastern European.)
Anita Blond - Anita Hudacsek - (We all need a Hudascek.)
Anita Rinaldi - Anita Skultety - (Which do you fucking need? A "Rinaldi" or a "Skultety"? They're both $50)
Anna Malle - Anna Hotop - (Why not "Hot Top"? Why? It writes itself. And you likely wouldn't be dead now.)
Annie Sprinkle - Ellen F. Steinberg - (Oy, Ellen. If you had just kept to your Klezmorim lessons.)
Antonio Morais - Anthony Gallo - (Not the heir to the wine fortune.)
Arnold Schwarzenpecker - Shmuel M. Berkowitz - (The Sandy Koufax of porn.)
Asia Carrera - Jessica Andrea Steinhauser - (She billed herself as Asian, right? Did become a lawyer after all.)
Audrey Bitoni - Audrey Bitoni - (Sometimes, you're just born to it.)
Austin Kincaid - Melissa Meadows - (Why trade down for a porn name?)
Ava Vincent - Jeweliette Valmont - (You tell me which one's more memorable.)
Aylar Lie - Sharareh - (If you wanted to be a hip-hop singer, be a hip-hop singer.)

Reader Comments (2)

No Muse of late?? At the time you posted this blog we had an insane Pastor-fanatic wanting to burn piles of Koran (here in Florida of course) Oh where is our hero? our villifier of ignorant religiosity? He who weilds his pen as a sword bated with the stinging venom of truth, whose mirrored hilt shows his targets their own infinite stupidity? We summon thee to strike down our foe.

September 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterM. Lars van der Cleven

"The Vilifier" is sleepy. So sleepy. And my hilt needs cleaning. I did drop some pennies in the fountain of idiotic opinion on the mosque issue, though.
http://www.cadolphmoores.com/the-rumpus/2010/8/30/the-mosque-of-the-red-white-and-blue-death.html

September 16, 2010 | Registered CommenterC. Adolph Moores

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>