Karl Kranston's "Where's the Wonderful?" (Week 4)

Where's the Wonderful?

Karl "The Dutch Elm" KranstonAlright People. This is getting a little annoying. Gil and I spend much time and effort here to bring you some tidbits of wisdom and quality advice and you decide to bury your head in the sand. Where is the feedback, Topeka? These recondite (Gil's word) jewels come to you at no cost. Where, in the name of Farmer Ted, is the appreciation? We ask little. We give much. Let's start passing the proverbial hat around and let us know how we're doing. It only takes a moment of your time and subsequently means the world to us. If I wasn't so drunk right now I'd be really angry! I'd also like to mention my 2009 SKIDOO SUMMIT 600 E-TEC snowmobile is in great shape and on sale for $7,000 US dollars. Contact me here at The Bugle to arrange a showing. Take that Hanson!!! I have my own free advertising now. Penny Pinch my lily-white ass.

Petty grievances aside, let's move forward to this week's "buffet" of horse sense:

The Dutch Elm suggests you begin seeking answers and forgiveness within yourself.

I know there’s a lot of gossip flying around out there but I simply refuse to believe that Paul Lynde was a homosexual. He was too darn funny for those sort of shenanigans.

I loved those Mad Max movies but, ever since that Jesus picture, Mel Gibson seems a bit unhinged.

Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee? Nobody? Talk to my Cousin Linda. She absolutely hates that cheesecake. Ruined an entirely decent Thanksgiving over it in ‘93.

I love that most of the time now batteries are included!

Is it any wonder Michael Jackson died early? I mean, criminy, the man had some peculiar life habits.

Gil and I are thinking about opening up a clip joint on Route 673 in between the Verizon Wireless and Edna's Gun Hole. Any takers?

Mike Huckabee reminds me of a possum. A delicious, tasty possum.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the license plate number of that bastard in the SUV who cut me off outside the COSTCO. Seriously, anybody who witnessed that incident please phone me or Gil here at The Bugle. An example needs to be set.

The Topeka PD recently had its second telephone fundraiser of the year. Now that's what I call police brutality!!!

Is there anything more refreshing than an elementary school water fountain with a short line, a tall spray and icy cold water?

I've always mistrusted people too involved in scuba diving. I have an aversion to anything which requires large amounts of water.

I am no longer giving money to people with plastic buckets at intersections. It seems too unprofessional. If you're serious, you get a booth.

A father always knows when his daughter has cheated on him. A father knows. A father just knows.

When did sexual choking become anything but playful?

Next Week: Logical positivism... snowmobile update... the politics of "No"... and my frustration with trash can liners.