O Curse Ye Damn-ed Snow!

Thought I'd break into this whole poetry business while it's still hot and lucrative.

This verse stuff is easy! Once you get the rhythm and the rhyme down. I call it "rhymthm".

And look! I didn't capitalize anything. Just like e.e. cummings - because that's so cool.

Photos courtesy of Simone.

O Curse Ye Damn-ed Snow!

the wind didst howl

the storm didst brew

it churned both to and fro

northerly first

then to the east

o curse ye damn-ed snow!

i clenched my ass and doth did brace

for that mighty tempest's rage

it thrust quick and lo

'neath my taint below

and bottom'd out my gauge

as i withdrew

a pattern grew

upon the icy né vé

it crackl'd first

and then grew worst

preventing my foray

to climes more warm

where summer's born

away from this frosty fray

near sun and seas

and beach and trees

twixt the mighty rivers flow

a tiki cabana

a sling for my banana

o curse this wretched snow!

man may dream of wintry noels

and sleigh rides through the rime

but give to me

no inclemency

and a mojito with a lime

add surf and sand

perhaps a mariachi band

and the greenest lawn to mow

i will not gripe

i'll just lay pipe

on a bikini clad'n 'ho

alack i'm in slush

with nine dogs to mush

and flurries doncha know

with no ocean breeze

my 'nads doeth freeze

o curse this most vile snow!

the hoarfrost comes

and the graupel hums

and the slate grey skies do loom

it is not muggy

i crave me a snuggie

and release from this boreal tomb

it's jack frost who laughs

at my now gelid gaffes

and causes my cockles to stiffen

a debilitating ague

with coughs and the flu

and chest pains and earaches 'n snifflin'

o bury me deep

in the grave where I'll sleep

in a land neither frigid or cold

for i need the heat

and some sweat on my meat

a pox upon this damnable snow!

Comments

[Lance Lyle]

Dearest Adolph,

Major league big ups for the impressive use of the word 'ague' in your poem. Very impressed...the rest, not so much.

Pots of Love,

Lance

[C. Adolph Moores]

What about "boreal" or graupel" or "né vé", for fuck sake?

I'm the new Coleridge!!!!!!!!

[Ash]

Only a left wing democrat could come up with such pig swill.

[C. Adolph Moores]

Is snow political?
Also, I am not a democrat.