More Email Scams

My destiny seems to be pointing toward becoming the Lenny Bruce of the internet. You know, speaking truth to power, pointing out hypocrisy and inconsistencies where I see them, righting wrongs, shooting too much horse, prattling on for hours and hours about essentially nothing and most importantly - not being funny anymore.

But these email scams are mesmerizing to me. Not in their particular cleverness or predatory nature but in the fact that any sentient being could actually fall for such nonsense.

The latest (posted below) came to me via Vivian Lachenmann (good name for a female concentration camp guard) who suggests I get on board the team at, well... she never really says. It's a company, she's from the Human Resource Department and they need someone for an admin position with a bank account in order to process checks through it.

Now. Am I brighter than most in assuming that this is either:

a) a money laundering scam

OR

b) a stolen credit card number fraud

OR

c) a simple Nigerian switcheroo where I will be asked to "cover" a small percentage of the vast sums of money which are sure to await me down the road once my check is used to "release" the funds

OR

d) a very blatent attempt to simply gain access to my existing bank account number?

Yet, obviously this shit still works on somebody or it wouldn't be this prevalent. I've never received too many of them in the past, but now that I have this blog I feel a sense of obligation to at least mention the ones I do get in hopes of preventing their success on unknowing dupes and rubes in the future. 

Of course, if you are a dupe or a rube, you wouldn't be reading this blog anyway, right?

Right?

Hmmmmm.

In addition to Ms. Lachenmann being the sender, the composer of the email is one Jennifer Hewitt. Now, I'm no dope, but if that is the Jennifer Hewitt who uses "Love" as her middle name, I might be convinced to speak further about this opportunity, you know, like say at the Hyatt Regency in D.C., room 326 on March 14th.

Wear something revealing and easy to remove. 

Original message follows:

Prospective Hire,

Our Human Resource Division has come across your contact information for possible employment consideration. The vacancy available with our Company is an admin position permitting applicants to work from their house. This online position pays a salary of USD2000.00 each month. Health and dental benefits are accessible after 3 months. Applicants will have an opportunity to advance to staff positions after 1 year of employment.

Brief Duties: The employee will assist the company in processing transactions from their clients and investors. The employee will receive funds to their bank account on behalf of the company. The employee will then process the transaction according to the Company�s standards.

Requirements: The employee must have a bank account, be 18 yrs or older, have a computer with internet, local transportation to process transactions, be a United States citizen, have a cell phone, and be able to follow directions.

Apply Now: Positions are limited. Interested candidates should act now. Reply to this e-mail XXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com (removal mine) with your full address, contact number, and full name. Management will then get in contact with you with more details.

Please note this is a legitimate offer for employment. Do not reply if you are not seriously ready to begin working immediately. We use an Employment Agency to prevent SPAM and non interesting offers for employment. Company details will be provided after your interest is confirmed.


--
Best Regards,
Jennifer Hewitt
Employment Resources

Comments

[Lance Lyle]

Dearest Fuckbag,

Good, so you are aware you completely lose your (quite impressive) sense of humor when you prate on about 'the issues of the day' and suchlike.

Wasn't sure you did.

Pots of Love,

LML