Robert Novak Rises From Grave, Stalks Earth

Robert Novak Rises From Grave, Stalks Earth with an Unquenchable Hunger for Human Flesh

Hours after departing from this mortal coil, journalist/pundit/unmitigated asshole Robert Novak's re-animated corpse burst through the stone lid of its sarcophagus and wandered out into the streets of America seeking the fresh blood of the innocent.

"Death must be a liberal," said Ernst Blofeld, longtime family friend and imp, "Because Bob is certainly defying him with every last fiber of his being."

Zombie Novak was last seen trolling the slums of Washington, D.C., feeding off the flesh of the impoverished, downtrodden and disenfranchised in a cannibalistic orgy of self-imposed righteousness. Women, children, the elderly and people of conscience were all warned to stay inside and bolt their windows and doors as Novak has been known to specifically hunger for the meat of our most vulnerable citizens.

"They should have cut off his head after the funeral and buried him with garlic and crucifixes", admonished Dr. Steve Van Helsing, a Swiss scientist specializing in the undead. "This did not have to happen. The family should have known that the desecration of this monster's corpse was the only way to prevent his unclouded evil from rising up and cursing humankind once more."

Republicans were pleasantly surprised with the resurrection of their longtime ally in the press.

"This bodes well for us", exclaimed a jubilant Mike Huckabee, "If the mean-spirited, hateful and pugnacious can be given eternal life here on earth, maybe the GOP has a pretty good chance at survival after all."

Conservative organizations have already launched plans to disinter Ronald Reagan, Barry Goldwater, John Birch, Jesse Helms and Jefferson Davis for possible resuscitation.  

Comments

[jjmitch21]

Novak escapes the mortal coil?

He was a steaming coil on someone's yard that couldn't be expunged no matter how many times the garden hose was called into immediate action.

Please tell me that "Limbaugh wannabe" Glen (?) Beck is next!

JM.

[C. Adolph Moores]

Could we possibly get those two on the same plane together and loosen a couple of "wingnuts" before takeoff?