Sleep Aid Companies Brace for Downturn Due to Eric Rohmer's Death

Sleep Aid Companies Brace for Downturn Due to Filmmaker Eric Rohmer's Death

Industry wide panic hit the makers of sleep assistance medications - Nytol, Sominex, Sleepinal, Unisom, Nighttime and Lunesta - as news of French New Wave director Eric Rohmer's death threatens to temporarily devastate sales and collapse the market.

"This is horrible news for us", claimed Clyde Landry, PR director for the Melatonin Council, "Rohmer's films are the natural competition to our product lines. So far, his self-indulgent visions have only been nodding off small audiences of pretentious drips. Now, with the publicity surrounding his death, there is sure to be an upswing in screenings of his movies. We can only hope their true somnolent power is not harnessed by the uncultured masses."

Many agree with Landry's conclusion. Week long retrospectives, TV airings, festivals, college cinema classes, film clubs and the obvious increase in bloviations from the international film critic community via the print media and internet will most likely cause a glut in the market for insomnia relief.

French reporter and media analyst Jean DuSant feels the repercussions of Rohmer's demise could be felt by the sleep aid industry for many years to come.

"As a journalist, I have spent entire weekends listening to actuaries discuss policy on risk evaluation procedures. I have covered writing seminars for aspiring science fiction and fantasy authors. Hell, I've even seen Sawyer Brown in concert... twice. But nothing, positively nothing, can prepare you for the inky black pool of incognizant slumber that Rohmer's films occasion."

Many executives from the drug manufacturing companies have panicked, some even going so far as to call for an unfeasible worldwide ban on the presentation of the director's films.

"I know it's desperate", admitted Doug Barnsworth, CEO of Sleep-Max PM, "But have you seen this guy's Moral Tales series? Each one is a foolproof recipe for uninterrupted hibernation. They produce the sort of listless dozing seen exclusively in the comatose. And the Tales of the Four Seasons? Holy shit! You'd need an eight-ball, a patrol siren, a bleeding ulcer and a dwarf poking you intermittently with a sharp stick to stay awake during that quartet of cinematic inertness."

Others were not as kind in their criticism.

"Rohmer's films will make you sleepier than an overfed, depressed Mexican with a head wound at siesta", insisted critic and gadfly C. Adolph Moores, "His movies are insultingly boring, pristinely void of activity. Think of them as the initial rivulets of saliva which form the bottomless puddle of drool on your pillow when you wake."