The Patriots with an 8 point spread against the Skins win by 7.

The Ravens with a 16.5 point spread win in a rout, but by only 14.

The Lions looked as though they were on track to beat the Vikes by 35, but got lazy and gave up a late score to the slowest white man in football, thus winning by only 6 on a 9.5 point spread.

And I suffered a lousy push on the Broncos win. These go my way and I'm looking at 13-3 on the week.

Acrid grapes.

Week 15 - Heavy on the visitors this week:

Cowboys (-7) @ Bucs - Should be a rodeo romp.

Redskins (+6.5) @ Giants - I think the Skins can keep it close. They looked rejuvenated against the Pats.

Packers (-13.5) @ Chiefs - I'd giev even more points to the hapless Chiefs. Orton's debut will be a massacre.

Saints (-7.5) @ Vikings - Purple Jesus or not, the Vikes won't keep it close.

Seahawks (+3.5) @ Bears - I'll take those free points. Starbucks win this outright.

Dolphins (+2) @ Bills - I just can't take the Bills anymore. There ain't no comeback in them.

Panthers (+6) @ Texans - I'll take Cam and those points against a run heavy offense struggling to score lately.

Titans (-6.5) @ Colts - No reason to believe the Colts can do anything.

Bengals (-7) @ Rams - Clemens to start for Rams. Cedric Benson may gain 200 yards.

Lions (-1) @ Raiders - Lions are a much better team. Palmer can't stop throwing picks.

Patriots (-7.5) @ Broncos - Here's where the Jesus train derails. Tebow, meet the real Jesus. His name is Mr. Tom Brady.

Jets (+3) @ Eagles - I'll take Gang Green over a really crazy, unpredictable Iggles team.

Browns (+6.5) @ Cardinals - Beanie, Beanie, Beanie.

Ravens (-2.5) @ Chargers - The Bolts are playing better. But not that much better.

Steelers (+3) @ Niners - If the rapist plays, the Steelers win this. If not, go Niners.

Colts (+16.5) @ Ravens - That's a lot of points. Colts covered a similar spread last week against the Patriots with two late TDs. The Ravens D will be a bit stingier.

Texans (+3) @ Bengals - Despite those QB woes, don't write off the Texans just yet.

Raiders (+12) @ Packers - Packers defense makes these large spreads difficult to cover. Raiders stay in it and lose by about ten.

Chiefs (+10.5) @ Jets - I am actually 1-12 on picking Chiefs games this year. But the Jets are strong as hell at home.

Vikings (+9.5) @ Lions - This one won't be as close as the last meeting.

Saints (-3.5) @ Titans - Saints easily cover this in a walk.

Eagles (+3) @ Dolphins - I've been hard on the Fins all year but I think they're due for a heartbreaking loss. The return of the dog killer.

Patriots (-8) @ Redskins - This could get ugly early.

Falcons (-3) @ Panthers - Which Falcon team shows up? I just don't know anymore.

Bucs (-3) @ Jaguars - MJD all day. Freeman doesn't have the talent to take advantage of the Jags wounded secondary.

49ers (-4) @ Cards - Cards continue to surprise. I don't like their chances here, though. When will the Niners actually have to play somebody?

Bears (+3) @ Broncos - This secondary is going to eat up Caleb.

Bills (+7) @ Chargers - Are the Chargers back in form? One game doesn't prove that.

Giants (+4.5) @ Cowboys - Giants win this outright.

Rams (+10) @ Seahawks - Marshawn Lynch in full beast mode.

Titans (+1) @ Bills - CJ slows down. Bills get back to winning.

Chiefs (+7) @ Bears - I have no idea what to make of either of these teams what with the new QB situations. Let's say the Bears D pull it out.

Raiders (+3.5) @ Dolphins - Everyone is a little too high on the Fins right now.

Bengals (+6.5) @ Steelers - The rapist notoriously plays down to the Bengals but I think coming off a poor performance against Kansas City he airs it out.

Ravens (-7) @ Browns - Hard to throw on the Browns. That's why you give it to Ray Rice.

Jets (-3) @ Skins - One of those games the Jets inexplicably lose. But I sense defeat in the Skins and many, many pick-sixes from Grossman.

Falcons (-1.5) @ Texans - Birds are finally playing like the team I picked to go to the Super Bowl. Texans QB options will stiffen their running game.

Panthers (+2) @ Bucs - Freeman's all fucked up. Cam is not.

Lions (+9) @ Saints - I think the Lions keep it within a touchdown or less.

Broncos (-1) @ Vikes - Jesus versus no Purple Jesus.

Rams (+14) @ Niners - 49ers can't cover that spread. Unless their defense scores three times.

Cowboys (-4.5) @ Cards - I'm thinking blow out here.

Packers (-6.5) @ Giants - See the MNF game this past week. Should be a rerun here.

Colts (+20.5) @ Patriots - Man, that's a tempting spread. Can't do it, though.

Chargers (-3) @ Jags - Despite the Jags' secondary woes, I promised never to take the Chargers again.

Week 12:

Cards (+2.5) @ Rams - Kolb is back. Therefore, Rams.

Bills (+9.5) @ Jets - The Jets may not even win this the way they've played lately. It wasn't too long ago people were talking up the Bills as playoff contenders.

Browns (+7) @ Bengals - The Browns are hapless. Unless they're playing the Jags and I have money on the Jags.

Texans (-6.5) @ Jags - No Schaub. No troubles. Texans just run all over them.

Panthers (-3.5) @ Colts - Cam should have a field day.

Bucs (+3.5) @ Titans - Will the Bucs play like they did against the Packers last week or will it be another huge meltdown? Titans look equally shaky.

Vikings (+9.5) @ Falcons - No Purple Jesus. No chance.

Bears (+3) @ Raiders - Bears plummet back to earth and reality.

Redskins (+3) @ Seahawks - Lynch has been a beast lately. Shanahan has ruined his team's confidence.

Patriots (-3.5) @ Eagles - Time for Brady to break out again.

Broncos (+5.5) @ Chargers - I will not take the Chargers again this season.

Steelers (-10.5) @ Chiefs - Ugly, ugly, ugly.

Giants (+7) @ Saints - Eli won't be able to keep it within a TD.

Week 11:

Titans (+6) @ Falcons - I think the Titans keep it close.

Bills (+2) @ Dolphins - A few weeks ago this would have been a no brainer. Now? Ugh. Bills.

Bengals (+7) @ Ravens - The schizophrenic Ravens should have an "up" week.

Jaguars (+1) @ Browns - Jags in a snoozer.

Raiders @ Vikings (pick 'em) - Better to reign in hell... Raiders.

Panthers (+7) @ Lions - Cam keeps it close.

Bucs (+14) @ Packers - Should be a blowout.

Cowboys (-7) @ Redskins - Should be a blowout.

Cardinals (+10) @ 49ers - Niners are due for a surprise.

Seahawks (+3) @ Rams - Starbucks decimated by injury. S-Jax rolls.

Chargers (+3.5) @ Bears - I will not take the Chargers again this season.

Eagles (+5) @ Giants - The Vince Young start is interesting and could breathe new life into a magnificently disappointing Iggles team. But I ain't buying it.

Chiefs (+15) @ Patriots - That is a lot of points. And the Pats defense is for shit.

Ah, fuck it. I missed the Thursday night game. I think I'm done betting on the Chargers.

Week 10:

Steelers (-4) @ Bengals - Steelers ahould be in a right pissy mood after blowing the Ravens game. Who better to take the aggression out on than their weaker division rival?

Broncos (+3) @ Chiefs - After getting trounced by the Fins at home, I'm a little gun shy on the Chiefs. It's hard to think Tebow's style can work two weeks in a row, however.

Colts (+3) @ Jags - Here's that first Colt win of the season.

Bills (+5.5) @ Cowboys - Everybody has been a little too high on the Pokes lately. Bills bounce back.

Texans (-3.5) @ Bucs - Could be a blowout. Texans are rolling.

Titans (+3.5) @ Panthers - There just doesn't seem to be any life to the Titans.

Redskins (+4) @ Dolphins - Having figured out that Reggie Bush probably shouldn't run between the tackles so much, the Fins offense has seen a spark of life.

Saints @ Falcons (pick em) - Saints.

Lions (+2.5) @ Bears - I'm still not buying into the Bears recent success. Cutler is due for a 4 INT game.

Rams (+2.5) @ Browns - The Browns have no running game now and Colt McCoy is not getting the job done through the air. Rams should control it.

Cards (+14) @ Eagles - If the Iggles can contain Beanie, this could get ugly early.

Ravens (-6.5) @ Seahawks - Should be a no brainer but the Ravens have shown some inconsistency this season. Surely they can beat the Starbucks by a touchdown, right?

Giants (+3.5) @ 49ers - I'm also not buying into the 49ers success. This is a bad team with a very easy schedule so far. G-Men.

Patriots (+2) Jets - Gang Green has been playing well lately. But Brady has a way.

Vikings (+13) @ Packers - The Packers do look relatively unbeatable except for the fact they can never put any one away. Hence, they rarely cover. They do here, though.

Week 9:

Falcons (-6.5) @ Colts - Birds by a touchdown? Sure.

Bucs (+8.5) @ Saints - Embarrassing loss a few weeks ago should motivate the Saints at home.

Browns (+10.5) @ Texans - Browns burned me last week by giving up a late field goal to the Niners. I think the Texans run all over them. Houston defense is underrated as well. Browns may not score.

Jets (+2.5) @ Bills - Jets have been looking good of late. I'm still not totally buying this whole Bills thing.

Dolphins (+4) @ Chiefs - I just can't picture the Fins winning this one with Matt Moore at the helm. Chiefs at home.

49ers (-4) @ Redskins - This should be a blowout.

Seahawks (+11) @ Cowboys - That's a lot of points. But the Seahawks have a lot of suck.

Broncos (+7) @ Raiders - So fun to see Tebow humiliate himself. He should bounce back here to at least cover against the floundering Raiders. Who would have thought Jason Campbell was the "glue"?

Bengals (+3) @ Titans - Titans seem like a team who has simply lost heart. Bengals are surprising people.

Rams (+3) @ Cards - If they play half as well as they did against the Saints last week they should win by 2 TDs.

Giants (+9) @ Patriots - That's a ton of points for Eli who can score quick and keep it respectable.

Packers (-5.5) @ Chargers - Here's the upset and the end of hopes for an undefeated season.

Ravens (+3) @ Steelers - Although the Ravens blew them out in week one, the Steelers have looked good lately. The Ravens have looked shaky.

Bears (+7.5) @ Eagles - The Iggles look back in form. The Bears will find it hard to contain Vick.

Week 8 with some sweet momentum:

Colts (+8.5) @ Titans - Again, which Titan team shows up here? I think CJ gets back on track against one of the worst run defenses in the league.

Jags (+9.5) @ Texans - This will be the blowout that should have happened last Monday night.

Vikings (+3) @ Panthers - Another Cam win at home.

Rams (+13.5) @ Saints - I don't think A.J. Feeley can keep pace with Brees.

Cards (+12) @ Ravens - No Beanie and a Ravens offense looking to redeem themselves. Could get ugly for Kolb.

Dolphins (+9.5) @ Giants - I like the G-Men at home here. Dolphins have shown little to nothing all year.

Redskins (+4.5) @ Bills - In Toronto, essentially a home game for the Bills. It'll be hard for the 'Skins to stay close.

Lions (-3) @ Broncos - "Teabag" Tebow got lucky last week. Not this time.

Patriots (-2.5) @ Steelers - Brady always has the Steeler's number.

Browns (+8.5) @ 49ers - I think the Niners fall back to earth here. They'll probably win, but it should be tight.

Bengals (-2) @ Seahawks - A sore Tarvaris Jackson or an impotent Charlie Whitehurst? No matter.

Cowboys (+3) @ Eagles - I like the Pokes and the points here. Should win outright.

Chargers (-3) @ Chiefs - Nothing like playing the Chiefs to get back on track after a loss.

I have also been working on two new product innovations. The first is in attaining the copyright for my new "Ass Lovers"® flavor line for various chips, pizzas and inhalers.

"You know, Helen? At first I was a bit turned off by the name, but these Doritos taste remarkably like ass."

The other "innovention" (thanks, Donaghy) is my new sex doll for children called Baby Fucks-A-Lot.

And, with that, let's discuss my previous week's picks.

My newfound respect for the Bills, Lions and Cam Newton fucked me over well, although the Bills/Giants saw me settle for a push at 3 points. The Pats and Steelers failed to cover and the Saints couldn't even beat the Bucs. But, otherwise, not a bad week. Should have simply stuck to my guns on Cam and the Lions and trusted that the Ravens were back in form.

Regardless, week 7 and new opportunities:

Bears (-1) vs Bucs (in London) - I still don't trust the Bucs to be consistent and the Bears seemed to have new life last Sunday night. They probably play better in fog too.

Redskins (+2.5) @ Panthers - I like Cam's chances for a win at home here. If Grossman wasn't benched, I'd like them even more.

Jets (+2) @ Chargers - Chargers are rested and coming off their bye week. Jets had a short practice week due to MNF. Chargers by at least a touch.

Seahawks (+3) @ Browns - My God Man!!! What does one do without Tarvaris Jackson at the helm? Lose by less but still more than three.

Texans (+3) @ Titans - Which Titan team shows up? I think Houston has the stronger club here. Their D should contain CJ and Hasselbeck.

Broncos (+1) @ Dolphins - Teabag time, Baby! I've already bet it all against god in real life. No way I go against his ersatz son in the NFL. That's called "hedging".

Falcons (+3.5) @ Lions - I'm tired of trusting the Falcons. Got burned trusting the Lions last week. Home field call. Lions.

Chiefs (+4) @ Raiders - QB musical chairs this week in Oakland. Apparently, Palmer is not ready. Kyle Boller never wins.

Steelers (-4) @ Cards - Small spread. What's up with that? Some unspoken injury no doubt. Fuck it. Instinct. Steelers.

Rams (+13) @ Cowboys - If Bradford goes, Rams cover. If not, 'Pokes.

Packers (-9.5) @ Vikings - Gravy. Tasty, salty gravy.

Colts (+13.5) @ Saints - Blowout at home. I know the Saints have looked terrible on D but, you know what cures that? Playing the Peyton-less boys of Indiana.

Ravens (-8) @ Jags - Why don't you just hand me the money before game time?

Another bullshit cosmetic TD late by Cam covered for the Panthers. The Eagles, Cardinals, Texans and Titans decided not to show up and I simply blew a hunch on the Bears Monday night. Good news is that the Chargers, Packers and Pats seem to be solid covers most every week and I was smart enough not to trust the Giants with a 9.5 point spread. I had solid picks on the Niners, Bengals and Chiefs, who are usually untrustworthy schizos.

Week Six:

Rams (+14) @ Packers - I wouldn't bet against Aaron Rodgers right now if his right hand was mangled in a threshing incident.

Jags (+12) @ Steelers - The Steelers appeared back in form (their O line at least didn't give up the typical 6 sacks) and Mendenhall is healthy again. At home, this could be a bloodbath.

Eagles (-2) @ Redskins - The Iggles can't go 1-5, can they?

49ers (+4) @ Lions - That spread is enticing and the Niner D is good, but I've been getting burned too much on my Lions' skepticism.

Panthers (+4) @ Falcons - Will Cam put together that meaningless fourth quarter drive as time expires to once again shit on my cover? Probably not since I'm betting he will.

Colts (+7) @ Bengals - Painter seems to disappear for quarters at a time. Heavy dose of Benson should also keep him and Garcon off the field.

Bills (+3) @ Giants - I'm also tired of not believing in the Bills. See: Lions (above).

Texans (+8) @ Ravens - That's a comfy cushion for Arian Foster.

Browns (+6.5) @ Raiders - I like the Raiders by a touch at home. That just seems right.

Cowboys (+6.5) @ Patriots - I'll take Brady's 75 point IQ advantage over Romo any day.

Saints (-4.5) @ Bucs - No brainer. Josh Freeman will have to throw. That rarely ends well.

Vikings (+3) @ Bears - I'm giving the Bears one more chance at home.

Dolphins (+7) @ Jets - Heated rivalry usually ends in close ones despite mismatched strength from year to year. I just don't see the Fins with any gas in the tank this year. They haven't even figured out how to run screens to Reggie Bush yet.