Public Enemies

DAMN YOU, MANN!!!

I am here to dispel a vicious rumor.

The egregious scuttlebutt that Michael Mann makes good movies.

He likes historical fiction a lot. That is to say he sets out making movies about historical figures and/or events and they wind up being incompetent fabrications of half-truths, plot conveniences, revisionist nonsense and grotesque, hammy characterizations.

But we as Americans have never been big fans of our actual history or the true natures of the makers behind it. We prefer to gloss over the rough patches (Michael Mann defecates gloss) or at least dumb them down enough to make them palatable to our childlike sense of heroism and good intentions. Which is why Michael Mann is a very popular filmmaker.

Perhaps a chart to better understand. In the left column - Michael Mann's atrocities. On the right - some of America's more disgraceful moments. See if you can distinguish between the matched horrors:

Mann Atrocities	American Atrocities
The Last of the Mohicans	Slaughter of Native American Peoples
Heat	McCarthyism
Ali	Slavery & Racial Inequality
Miami Vice	My Lai Massacre
Public Enemies	Prohibition

As the chart simply reveals, the films of Michael Mann are equal to, if not worse, than the greatest crimes perpetrated by this nation.

And if that nefarious directorial legacy is not enough to prove his flagitious intent, let it be known to the townspeople and common folk that he has also produced The Kingdom, Hancock, Collateral and Band of the Hand.

And let it also be known to the unwashed masses, many of whom believe otherwise, that Heat was a bloated piece of shit.

I'll give him The Insider. That was a good movie. And most of Manhunter. Nice intro to the Hannibal Lecter character.

But even Jefferson Davis had his moments. And they should not excuse the rest of his execrable oeuvre.

The latest of which, Public Enemies, continues to add to the polished turd bin.

Let's forget the film's awkward HD DV look. Let's glance past the too-numerous-to-count ways Mann plays fast and loose with historical accuracy. Let's not mention that it's Johnny Depp's most embarrassing turn since the Willy Wonka remake (or those stupid goddamn pirate flicks). Let us not digress into the discussion that a large amount of the film is wasted on a torpid romance. Nor should we warn that Mann unsuccessfully tries to cram very relevant contemporary issues (torture, banking evils, joblessness, poverty, surveillance, "the war on ____" policy declarations) into the already choppy narrative structure.

Let's just say it is a very dull, poorly written, fact challenged, overly stylized take on what should be a gritty crime picture. If you're going the dramatic license route, take a peek at The Untouchables. Mamet will show you how.

To give you an example, there is actually a scene toward the end of the movie where the by-then nationally famous John Dillinger (Depp), Public Enemy #1, walks into a Chicago Police precinct, heads into a room marked "Dillinger Crime Unit" and proceeds to mosey around, perusing some photos of himself and his former gang members (now deceased - another historical inaccuracy) pinned on the bulletin boards. He even engages some of the cops in brief conversation about the Cubs game on the radio. They do not recognize him and turn back to the game.

I mention this moment to point out that it is only the fourth most ridiculous scene in the movie.

In the end, watching Public Enemies (or any Michael Mann film) is rather similar to hiring a really pretty hooker who can't fuck well. It's a nice idea until you get down to business. Then you just feel stupid and cheated for wasting your money and a few precious hours with an expensive, talentless whore.