Hot Tub Time Machine

Got through about 35 minutes of this thing before my aesthetic endorphins and preservation instincts kicked in to prevent me from tearing at my own innards and piercing my eyes with hot steel rods. John Cusack has some 'splainin' to do.

So, instead of a traditional review, I would like to offer a list of things I prefer over Hot Tub Time Machine:

1. Rickets
2. Ennui
3. A youthful indiscretion that resulted in my expatriation to the United States
4. Endless, flavorless gum
5. Public defecation
6. The genocide of the Armenians at the hands of the Turks
7. The uncomfortable 12 seconds with my doctor after the prostate exam
8. The brown acid at Woodstock
9. Man's inhumanity to his fellow man
10. Judd Apatow movies (see #9)
11. Food cooked with liquid nitrogen
12. James Coco's tits
13. The uncomfortable pass made at me by my nephew at a family reunion picnic
14. The fiery passion of Don Knotts
15. The realization that I can never laugh again
16. The loss of a loved one
17. Offshore drilling
18. Wet dogs. Smelly, filthy, misbehaved, vicious, wet dogs
19. Children's sing-a-longs
20. The prose of that chick I fucked in college who was into Joy Division and candles
21. Frolicking in Phil Spector's hair
22. Deep, painful emotional crises
23. The slaughter of cute, innocent animals
24. The destruction of Fred Rogers' wholesome legacy for no good reason at all
25. Chiggers
26. Andrew Breitbart's nut sack
27. Rapaciously eating clams with the full knowledge that they have really "gone off"
28. Piquing the interest of a shitty-drunk, tattooed woman with nothing to lose
29. Mommy blogs
30. Spiro Agnew

Comments

[Lance Lyle]

Chip,

Very funny...and all too true! By the way, do you hate the whole Judd Apatowization of comedy as much as I do? Wow, another movie about male bonding among shlubs and dorks...and hey, Seth Rogan's love interest is played by Elizabeth Banks, Kathryn Heigel or Amber Heard!

Apatow sucks!