The Mall Part 1

With the harsh memory of "Black Friday" behind us and the spirit of the Christmas season approaching, I have decided to post my screenplay The Mall; a Kafka-esque paean to the anti-commercialist, anti-materialist in us all. It received top honors in the short screenplay contest at the 2001 Birmingham Sidewalk Film Festival and is available to anyone (for a nominal fee) who would like to make it into a film. Due to length it will be a two part post. If the text appears a little funky it is because I have tried to maintain the integrity of the standard screenplay format. Enjoy and Happy Holidays folks!

THE MALL

FADE IN:

TITLECARD.

“There are many things that we would throw away, if we were not afraid that others might pick them up”

- Oscar Wilde.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT-BEDROOM-MORNING.

A man in his mid thirties (BILL DOLLAR) rolls over in a king size bed and yawns as water RUSHES in the background.

CUT TO:

INT-BATHROOM.

A woman (BRENDA) of approximately the same age turns the bathroom sink faucet off. She is dressed in a knee length skirt, hose, heels and a bra. She primps her blonde bob cut in the mirror and walks to the bathroom door, folds her arms and leans against the jamb.

BRENDA

Promise me you’ll go find a job today.

CUT TO:

INT-BEDROOM.

Bill turns over in bed to face her.

BILL

I have a job.

BRENDA

Projectionist at a porn theater is not a job. It’s a diversion.

BILL

It pays the rent.

BRENDA

No. I pay the rent. You blow your money on cigarettes and vodka.

Bill rolls over to avoid her. Brenda sighs, walks to the closet and puts on a shirt.

BRENDA

Look. I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry. Please remember to pick up the anniversary gift for my parents. Please do that today?

Bill rolls back over to face her.

BILL

Where is it?

BRENDA

It’s the set of crystal stemware at Harlingtons.

Bill crinkles his face in mock agony.

BILL (WHINING)

Aw. Come on. I can’t go to that fucking marketplace.

BRENDA

It’s the Mall Of The Universe. And its one of this city’s points of pride.

BILL

It’s a goddamn amusement park. You need a three day pass just to get from one end to the other.

BRENDA

It is a total shopping experience.

BILL

It is the Bataan Death March of consumerism.

She smiles at him.

BRENDA

Nevertheless, I need you to pick up the gift.

She bends down to kiss him on the cheek. He puts up a protesting hand.

BILL

Morning zoo breath.

She lowers his hand and kisses his cheek.

BRENDA

Thank you. And if you have time...

BILL

I know. A job.

BRENDA

That’s my good boy. Got to go or I’ll be late for work.

She pinches his cheek, spins on her heel and exits. Her heels CLACK on the tile floor and a door opens and shuts. Bill rolls over again and mutters.

BILL

Fucking stemware.

He pulls a stray pillow over his head. He coughs, moans and darts up from the bed. He heads for the bathroom. His small, hairy belly sags sadly over the elastic of his boxer shorts.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT-BATHROOM.

Bill stoops over the bathroom sink and spits out a mouthful of toothpaste and blood. A radio (ANNOUNCER) on the counter blares an advertisement.

ANNOUNCER (O.S.)

...and if you’re headed down to the Mall Of The Universe this afternoon be sure to catch the Young Christian Choir of First United Baptist as they sing a selection of their favorite Disney songs for a whole three hours. That ought to take the sting out of the shopping day, eh Wayne?!

Bill lunges for the radio and pulls the cord from the outlet.

BILL

Oh, my living Christ.

CUT TO:

INT-HALLWAY.

Bill is dressed in jeans and a tee shirt which reads “Slokum University Ingots” in bold red letters. He reaches down to a small table against the wall and pockets his wallet. He picks up his keys and exits out the front door.

CUT TO:

EXT-DRIVEWAY-DAY.

Bill approaches his car and unlocks it. His next door neighbor (STAN) is dressed in a business suit and is getting into his car some twenty feet away.

STAN (LOUDLY)

Hey ya Bill! Off to work?

Bill grimaces and turns reluctantly to Stan.

BILL

No Stan. Headed for the mall.

STAN

The Mall Of The Universe?

BILL

Yes Stan.

STAN

Why you lucky S.O.B! Haven’t been myself yet. Hear it’s quite a sight. Helen took the boys last week. I’ve been hankering to do a bit of rock climbing at that indoor facility they got there. Sounds crazy, climbing rocks indoors but what the hay, right? Got to keep-

Bill gets in his car and shuts the door in Stan’s mid sentence. He starts the engine and backs out of the driveway. The mailbox at the end of Bill’s driveway reads, “The Dollars”. Stan looks on with a bewildered grin.

STAN

Working hard or hardly working.

Stan enthusiastically enters his car.

CUT TO:

EXT-SUBURBAN STREET.

Bill slowly drives his Chevrolet Cavalier down a residential street. He is grousing under his breath as Bob Dylan’s “Shelter From the Storm” PLAYS on his CD system. He begins singing a few lines in a nasally impersonation of the singer. He suddenly slams on his brakes.

BILL

Fuck me!

An elderly woman dressed in bright orange polyester pants and a blue knit top is crossing the street in front of him. She pulls a large poodle on a leash. As the dog passes directly in front of the car, it squats and lets out a large bowel movement. The woman claps appreciatively and waves at Bill. He smiles and waves condescendingly. The dog darts off toward the woman and Bill pulls away down the street. The bowel movement remains in the road.

CUT TO:

EXT-HIGHWAY ON-RAMP.

Bill maneuvers the car to the right turn lane for the on-ramp to a highway. In front of him is a large semi hauling a prefab house on its trailer. A banner draped across the back of the home reads, “DANGER WIDE LOAD”. The semi moves with slowness up the ramp. Bill is fuming. He darts out onto the grass shoulder and speeds around the truck. He awkwardly swerves left into the traffic of the highway and many SUVs and pickup trucks HONK at him.

CUT TO:

INT-CAR.

BILL (NERVOUSLY)

Okay. Okay. That was dumb. Sorry. Sorry. Let’s keep it together here. Nothing to see. Nothing to see.

A State Trooper pulls in behind him. Bill sees him in the rear view mirror.

BILL (VERY NERVOUS)

Oh shit. Oh shit. Nothing to do with me. Keep on going. Law abiding citizen in this car. No priors. Clean record. Keep on going. Drive casually. Sing to the music.

The trooper changes lanes and speeds by him.

BILL (RELIEVED)

That’s right. Just going to the Mall Of The Universe, Officer. Getting some stemware. Keep up the good fight.

Bill exhales heavily and drives on.

CUT TO:

EXT-HIGHWAY OFF-RAMP.

Bill drives the car up an inclining off-ramp and, at the peak, an enormous mall comes into the vista. It rises and grows as he nears. It is colossal. An airport with passenger jets arriving and departing is on the right of the huge structure which extends for miles on the horizon. The parking lot at its front is the size of ten football fields and becomes even larger as the left side of the mall comes into view. High Roman columns adorn the front entrance.

He veers into the lot and finds a place at the very rear, farthest from the entrance. He pulls the small car into the space and it becomes dwarfed by the myriad of SUVs surrounding it.

He exits the car and begins plodding toward the front entrance.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT-PARKING LOT.

Bill is plodding onward. Only SUVs are seen occupying every parking space. He is sweating and tiring.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT-PARKING LOT.

He is closer to the entrance but is still far from reaching it. A vendor (VENDOR) is selling bottled water from a push cart in one of the aisles. Bill scuffs his feet over to it.

BILL (RASPY)

Water. Please, God.

The vendor smiles broadly and pulls a bottled water from his cart.

VENDOR

That will be three seventy five please.

BILL

Three seventy five?!

VENDOR (CHEERFULLY)

Yes, Sir.

BILL (DESPERATELY)

I (PAUSE) I must have water.

VENDOR

For three seventy five I can sell you this water.

Bill sags his head in defeat. He pulls out his wallet and removes a bill. He hands it to the vendor.

VENDOR

Out of five.

The vendor hands Bill the water. He twists off the cap and slugs voraciously from the bottle.

VENDOR

And one twenty five is your change.

Bill cannot speak. He waves his hand at the vendor to keep it as he continues to swig. Bill lets out a satisfied breath.

BILL

Hell. You keep it. That’s the best fucking water I ever drank.

VENDOR

Thank you, Sir!

Bill begins the long walk again.

VENDOR

Water! Cold, icy water!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT-FRONT ENTRANCE.

Bill looks up at the tall columns and shakes his head. He enters through the automatic sliding doors.

CUT TO:

INT-MALL.

To be continued tomorrow when Bill confronts the mall's inescapable evil.