Jindal Bombs, Jindal Bombs, Jindal All The Way

GOP “Superstar” Jindal promises to further “dumb it down” in next speech

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal gave the GOP rebuttal to President Barak Obama’s address to Congress on Tuesday and is now reeling from heavy criticism from the unlikeliest of sources; Republican supporters.

While Jindal’s condescending, sing-songy, fairy tale tone was greeted by howls of laughter from the Left, it presented serious problems for the die-hard, conservative base of the Republican Party.
“I don’t know where they found this elitist, Ivy League nancy boy”, wondered Grover Suggs from Hog’s Toe, Arkansas, “but fancy schoolin’ and some three dollar words ain’t gittin’ my vote come 2012!”
Other conservatives from across the nation, gathering at an opinion forum in Kansas, were equally upset.
“I’m not so sure, you know, blood-wise what the heck he is”, Sump Ditch, Alabama native Silas Strickland lamented, “I mean, really, what’s with all the colored guys lately?”
Even though Jindal’s speech substantively hit the conservative talking points- less government, less taxes, rabid patriotism, falsified anecdotes- his delivery and verbiage were upsetting to most in the room.
“If he keeps talkin’ all pretty like ‘at, he’s gonna lose our state”, cried Junior Fatterback of Rotten Tree, Missouri. “I just wish he would a phoneticled (sic) more. Been a lot easier for me and the missus to keep up.”
Conservative pundits noted that Jindal has suffered a severe setback as the Republican Presidential frontrunner in 2012 due to the speech.
“Jesus fucking Christ!”, bellowed the usually reserved Charles Krauthammer in a rare moment of honesty, “What was he thinking? He’s got to play to the base more. This erudite manner has no place in the Republican Party. He made Sarah Palin look like some sort of rube. They‘re going to need each other in the next three years.”
One of the nation’s thirteen remaining moderate Republicans, Herb Grumble of Apache’s Corpse, Wyoming, was turned off by the speech as well. “I’m seriously looking into the availability of a cryogenic chamber”, he mumbled in solemnity.
Always his own harshest critic, Jindal was disappointed with his performance.
"I think I struck a sour note", the Louisiana Governor said regretfully, “I came off as too scholarly and book-learned for my supporters. I’m going to try a simpler, more elementary vocal style in the future.”
Plans for Jindal’s next speech had not been released yet but were said to include the Governor jangling car keys in front of the camera, making baby talk, singing a rousing rendition of John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt and reciting the alphabet mnemonically.
“'S' is for 'socialist'”, giggled Jindal coyly.

Update on Friday, February 27, 2009 at 10:04PM by C. Adolph Moores

Here's the capper, "exemplarily"?

Was that a dead animal on her head or her servant's merkin?

Conservatives have become a mass cabal of the uninformed, the deliberately deceitful and the indifferent rich. The Republican Party, on the other hand, has simply gone insane. The pleasure in all of this is watching the former playground bully get his nose justifiably bloodied and then cry in disbelief when no one rushes to his aid.

Don't relish the moment too much, however. The American political pendulum always swings back into the groin of the gloater. As you now see.