Christian Terrorism
Thursday, June 4, 2009 at 1:36PM Christianity- The Old/New Terrorism
(or "How 5/31 Changed Everything")
Terrorism - the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes.
From the AP:
April 2007: Authorities say Paul Ross Evans placed a homemade bomb in the parking lot of the Austin Women's Health Center in Texas. A bomb squad disposes of the device, which contained two pounds of nails. There are no injuries.
Oct. 23, 1998 — Dr. Barnett Slepian is fatally shot in his home in a suburb of Buffalo, N.Y. Militant abortion opponent James Kopp is convicted of the murder in 2003 and sentenced to 25 years to life in prison.
Jan. 29, 1998 — A bomb explodes just outside a Birmingham, Ala., abortion clinic, killing a police officer and wounding several others. Eric Rudolph later pleads guilty to that incident and the deadly bombing at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. He justifies the Alabama bombing in an essay from prison, writing that Jesus would condone "militant action in defense of the innocent."
Jan. 16, 1997 — Two bomb blasts an hour apart rock an Atlanta building containing an abortion clinic. Seven people are injured. Rudolph is charged by federal authorities in October 1998.
Dec. 30, 1994 — John Salvi opens fire with a rifle inside two Boston-area abortion clinics, killing two receptionists and wounding five others. Sentenced to life without parole, he kills himself in prison in 1996.
Nov. 8, 1994 — Dr. Garson Romalis, who performs abortions in Vancouver, Canada, is shot in the leg while eating breakfast at home.
July 29, 1994 — Dr. John Bayard Britton and his volunteer escort, James H. Barrett, are slain outside a Pensacola, Fla., abortion clinic. Barrett's wife, June, is wounded in the attack. Paul J. Hill, 40, a former minister and anti-abortion activist, is later convicted of murder and sentenced to death.
Aug. 19, 1993 — Dr. George Tiller is shot in the arms as he drives out of parking lot at his Wichita, Kan., clinic. Rachelle "Shelley" Shannon is later convicted and sentenced to 11 years in prison.
March 10, 1993 — Dr. David Gunn is shot to death outside Pensacola, Fla., clinic, becoming the first U.S. doctor killed during an anti-abortion demonstration. Michael Griffin is convicted and serving a life sentence.
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When Scott Roeder (or whoever it was) pulled the trigger on the gun that killed Dr. George Tiller, a new 9/11 was ushered in.
The U.S. changed again on 5/31/09.
For Tiller's murderer is not a solitary nut acting out depraved fantasies of his own design. He is part of a broader political movement. He is a deranged scumbag who has been guided and coached into committing this heinous act.
The blame lies at the feet of various right wing entities- reckless television and radio personalities, a political bloc known as the Republican Party which uses hate and violent rhetoric to amass and abuse power, lawless extremist groups who foam at the mouth whenever the legal medical procedure of abortion is mentioned and lastly, the teachings, willful ignorance and brainwashing indoctrination tactics of christian churches everywhere.
It is the new face of terror and Americans are absolute hypocrites if they do not fight it with the same ferocity they reserve for Islamofascists. These new enemies are zealous lawbreakers bent on destroying our way of life. Through intimidation and violence they hope to weaken our resolve, force their ideologies upon us and make us submit to their will. Terrorism is terrorism, whether one bows to Allah or nods for Jesus.
Which is why I am calling for a revamped War on Terror® against the new axis of evil; Catholics, Protestants and Mormons. Essentially, the money and idea men behind this secret veil of terrorism.
With the Patriot Act, the Military Commissions Act, FISA, RICO and a vigilant citizenry we shall destroy these monsters before they can gain a significant foothold in our society.
I will now outline our national course of action against these christian terror cells.
1.) All church services for the christian religion will be cancelled until further notice. All christian churches are officially closed until re-opened by judicial decree. Anyone found publicly praying to Jesus will be summarily executed. There will be no Bingo this Tuesday.
2.) We will dispense our "Most Wanted" deck of cards to all military and law enforcement personnel. The "Ace of Spades" is Pope Benedict XVI. The "King of Hearts" is Randall Terry. The "Joker" is Bill "Chemical" O'Reilly. The "Queen of Clubs" is Ann Coulter. The "King of Diamonds" is Joel Osteen. And the "Jack of Hearts" is James Dobson. The rest of the evangelical shitstains and their media enablers will be assigned the remaining deck. Collect 'em all, Kids!
3.) Vatican City will be remodeled into a CIA "Blacksite". We will use the existing torture chambers and jail cells in the Papal Palace. The worst of the worst will be taken there for interrogation and limitless detention. Miranda rights will be read to the christian prisoners, their cell door will close, habeas corpus will be suspended and they will hear snickering from outside their confines.
4.) The assets of all christian churches and anti-abortion organizations including their subsidiary holdings will be frozen. They then will be thawed and used for national keg parties, cocaine and to hire hookers to celebrate the defeat of these nefarious monsters.
5.) Following the military genius of George W. Bush, since the alleged murderer of Dr. Tiller hails from Kansas, we will invade Nebraska.
6.) When captured, Pat Robertson will be made to masturbate in the nude in front of his captors while the frothing jaws of a Doberman snap at his face from inches away.
7.) Christianity will be derided for what it is- a religion of violence and hate.
8.) Wanted photos of all known abortion clinic protestors shall be posted in transportation hubs, post offices, hospitals, clinics, libraries, schools and on the backstops of baseball fields. When arrested, they will be whisked away to detention centers worldwide, not be charged with any crime and held indefinitely at the whim of their captors.
9.) Websites of all christian and anti-abortion groups will be monitored and infiltrated when necessary. Domestic phone lines and e-mail accounts for said groups will also be tapped without warrant.
10.) Fox News and christian broadcasts will be selectively censored by myself, John Waters and the ghost of Frank Zappa.
11.) Mexico shall be invaded to stop the "Bible Trail" of illicit religious propaganda from entering the United States. Non-christian workers are, of course, welcome to enter of their own free will.
12.) Automobiles portraying the "Fish" logo will be profiled, immediately stopped and searched for religious contraband. A new "Darwin" logo will replace the fish.
13.) Anyone wearing religious symbolism (crosses, WWJD wristbands, tee-shirts, etc.) will be beaten and dragged into a dank cell where they will be waterboarded until they give up the whereabouts of Jesus Christ and God Almighty. It may take many applications. Remember, according to our former administration, simulated drowning is not torture. It's just an unpleasant swim.
14.) I will personally hook up Billy Graham's nipples to a car battery and make him stand on one leg for fourteen hours. Just for giving this whole televangelist thing a degree of legitimacy on a national scale back in the day. He is personally responsible for delaying the death knell of religion in America. I'll dig up Reagan and Falwell too. I'll put their skeletons in stress positions. Don't cross me.
15.) We will not stop this War on Terror® until every christian asshole on this planet realizes that abortion (along with birth control) is a sound, necessary and responsible function toward the betterment of society. The folly of abstinence leads to its door.
It is endlessly more practical than believing a fairy tale god audits your every thought and action, keeping score in his penal quest to mete out eternal suffering.
Know from the outset that our enemy is very cunning, superhumanly strong and quite literally insane.
My heartfelt condolences to Dr. Tiller's family and friends. I did not know the man but appreciate his efforts in the service of women's health and his unquestionable bravery in the face of irrational, violent, immoral idiots.
My irony was not intended to insult his memory or cheapen the tragedy of his death but, rather, to promote the same courage he showed in the face of adversity. There is a deadly enemy out there which can undo this nation. And it is not a swarthy foreigner in a turban. Our enemy creeps and stalks on friendly, accepted, familiar feet.
Reader Comments (1)
yowza! a simple happy birthday would've sufficed. ;)