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Tuesday
Mar202012

New Economic Study Shows That Freedom is, in Fact, Free, Has Been Since 1945

A recently published study by the bipartisan Congressional Budgetary Office (CBO) has confirmed what many peace-loving Americans have known for quite some time; that freedom, despite dire warnings from jingoists, has been readily available and free of charge for over six decades.

Economists who oversaw the study concluded that the cost of freedom has long been inflated and specifically ballooned in recent times due to the constant warmongering and empire building that the United States has been engaged in since the end of World War II.

"Without these frivolous endeavors", remarked Professor Mitch Spurnell of MIT, "Liberty would actually not require the vast seas of blood or mountains of money spent to secure it. If not entirely free, freedom would certainly be, at the very least, rather affordable to even the most financially distressed American."

The study placed the high price of freedom squarely on the shoulders of the United States government which has, "proceeded in parading around an endless, propagandistic rotation of boogie men, rogue states, and nefarious political ideologies to prop up a monstrous military industrial complex that has no end to its thirst for blood, power, and lucre."

The study also revealed that the cost of freedom has been artificially exaggerated since VJ Day, August 14th, 1945.

"That was America's last 'good' war", stated economist and historian Peter Knox of Duke University, "The rest of our military adventures have been for little or nothing other than rampant greed, resource allocation, phony altruism or hubris. The entire register of American military personnel, both living and dead, who served after WWII needs to be offered a sincere apology and some recompense. If not to them directly, then to their immediate families, who were also cynically duped and used under false principles."

"Obviously I'm feeling pretty fucking stupid right now", mused PFC Arlen Schmidt of Rapid City, South Dakota, now stationed in Afghanistan, "Who'd have thought that not only would my country deceive me like this for so long, but that those two cool recruitment officers who signed me up at that table by the Abercrombie & Fitch in the local mall would be in on it too?"

From the Cold War to Korea to Cuba to arms sales to Israel to Vietnam to El Salvador to Grenada to Panama to Iraq to Bosnia to Somalia to Iraq (again) to Afghanistan to Libya to Pakistan to Yemen and now, perhaps, Iran and Syria, the study reveals that the primary indicator for cost increases to freedom for most Americans is, undoubtedly, America itself.

Many veterans and conservatives have dismissed the study as an elitist liberal plot to undermine the United States of America and its cause for freedom around the globe.

Speaking on behalf of The American Exceptionalist Society, Korean War veteran Dan Rosemont offered, "This is an outrage! I will ignore these facts for what I know in my heart to be true. God Bless America! I didn't kill 24 gooks barehanded and use their teeth for a necklace at Chosin so China could take over the goddamn world! Wait a minute, what? "

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